Tales of a Suburban Princess

What No One Tells You About Pregnancy

2006-03-28T10:21:00.000-05:00

So it's been a while, but I've been a bit busy being pregnant. Now that we are closer to the end, I feel confident in sharing what no one else will tell you about pregnancy.

1) You know that yucky feeling in your stomach when you're hungover? The one you try to satisfy by eating grease, drinking Pedialyte or gatorade, consuming crackers, etc? That is what "morning sickness" actually feels like, except there is nothing to satisfy that sick feeling. It just stays and stays.

2) "Morning sickness" is BS. It's more like all-day-and-night sickness...Something that makes you ill today is what you'll eat 3 of tomorrow, so just get ready.

3) You will be as gassy as your husband after 3 bowls of chili, a hot dog, and a case of beer for the entirety of your pregnancy. It is mortifying, but you'll get used to it. In fact, my husband thinks it is hysterical. He cheers for me like he would for his college roommate.

4) Your brain stops working the minute you find out you are pregnant. You literally have no memory, and it's hard to even communicate. For people like me who make their living by communicating with others, this is particularly frustrating. Carry a notepad with you, and write everything down. Otherwise, you will lose your mind (or your job).

5) In the beginning, after the morning sickness subsides, you will be hungry. It is a hunger I cannot describe, and if you do not eat immediately, you will vomit. Snacking throughout the day is essential and the only way to keep this from happening. You want to avoid this phenomenon at all costs.

6) One day, you will wake up and be PREGNANT. I went for almost 6 months with no real, visible bump. Then one day I woke to find that my beautiful breasts were actually resting on my belly. It was very, very scary and quite a shock. Also, it is around this same day that your thighs will begin to rub together. This is also a scary feeling, as you have never known this sensation before. My advice: baby powder (helps you cut down on chafing). Lovely, right?

7) You will be exhausted. It is a tired you cannot explain, and no amount of sleep will compensate for it. You will fall asleep in weird places like your desk, your car, even waiting for your husband in the grocery store. Just make sure to find some time in the middle of the day to cat nap. 15-20 minutes seems to do the trick for me.

8) Eventually, you will be unable to sleep. This sleeplessness starts at about 5 months and last through the end of pregnancy. In the beginning, it is suggested that you start to sleep on your left side. If you are a stomach sleeper like I am, this is the toughest transition. In month five, your hips will start to slowly separate, making your joints loose and your muscles weak. This pain is enough to keep you awake. In month 6, it's the pain in your lower back that keeps you awake. In month 8, after the baby turns down in the "Go" position, it is the baby's head resting on your bladder that will cause you to get up at least once every 2 hours to go to the bathroom. By this time, lack of sleep has become second nature to you, so you should be able to roll with it. I also suggest telling everyone around you that you are a zombie, and if they come near you, you will eat them for lunch. This has worked wonders for me.

9) Finally, try not to read all of the scary stuff in the more medically-focused pregnancy books. I was freaking out during the first few weeks about what to eat, drink, etc. and even what my husband and I could do in bed because of those books. If you have a question, ask your doctor. That is his/her job. It's not always comfortable or easy, but well worth it.

10) Enjoy it. Have fun. Buy baby clothes and maternity clothes and nursery decorations with wild abandon. No one can fault you now, so GO FORTH and SHOP.

Any other questions about pregnancy? Ask in your comments. I'd love to get a discussion going...

When PC Becomes BS

2005-08-24T20:39:00.000-04:00

While I was getting ready for work this morning, watching The Today Show like I always do, I saw something that made me so angry, I could have spit nails. There was a doctor being interviewed by Matt Lauer. He had been SUSPENDED from practicing medicine because, after months of treating an obese woman and not getting her attention, he told her that she would likely outlive her husband and be fat and old and alone. HE TOLD HER THE TRUTH. Tough to swallow? Yes. Shallow? Yes. Insensitive? Yes! But True? Yes. When did this country become some obsessed with being PC that you could actually be accused of malpractice? Doctors are not paid for their bedside manner. They are valued for their knowledge and power to help and heal. That's it. Now, this doctor has lost his practice over something as stupid as this. It just makes me wonder when the pendulum will swing back the other way. I'm ready for it, and I think America could use a big, swift, honest kick in the pants!

If you want to check out the video, it's here:
Doc in trouble over obesity warning

R.I.P.

2005-08-22T21:15:00.000-04:00

Have you ever known that feeling of ultimate contradiction that an incredible novel gives you? You just devour the words because you simply can't get enough. But, toward the novel's end, you are sad that there won't be any more left to read about the characters when you turn that last page. Well, that is precisely howI felt watching the end of Six Feet Under last night. Alan Ball is a genius. He proved that in American Beauty and has done so once again with the final episode of this highly acclaimed show on HBO. 9pm couldn't come fast enough yesterday, and yet, once the show started, it hit me that there would be no more to see. No more Nate. No more David and Keith. No more Claire. No more Ruth. They are all gone. I really believe that this little feeling of sadness I have carried with me all day today is the mark of a good work of fiction: it draws you in, makes you feel something so deeply, brings you as high as you can go, and then leaves you with a sad little smile when it's over. What do you like about fiction? TV? Movies? What juices you up?

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

2005-08-09T19:28:00.000-04:00

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime...The first time I ever heard this line, I was 8 years old and watching Haley Mills in The Parent Trap. The movie is about a set of identical twins separated at birth who find each other at summer camp. When they meet, they hate each other and each tries to sabotage the other. When they go too far, the camp director decides that the most fitting punishment she can give them is to force them to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. The movie story ends happliy, but that line still sticks in my head and pops up now and then when something stirs my memory. So, when I saw this today, it immediately reminded me of that particular line. What real purpose would it have served if this girl had been thrown in prison? She would have been invisible and anonymous within the prison walls...actually allowing her to pull the "disappearing act" she tried months before. We, the dutiful tax payers, would be feeding her and doing her laundry and providing her with cable TV. Instead, seeing her on the court house lawn in Lawrenceville today - mowing the grass - for all the world to see, I am reassured that our justice system still allows for fair and sometimes even humorous punishments that actually fit the crime. And, good for Jennifer Wilbanks, who obviously has a sense of humor...she's mowing the lawn in a hat that says "Life is Good." Yes, Jennifer, it sure is.

...For Little Girls

2005-08-05T09:13:00.000-04:00

Well, the last time I posted, I was submitted for an upcoming documentary series called Daddy's Girl. Well, it was all fun and games until the casting agent actually called from LA on Wednesday, saying that I was "the perfect candidate" for their show. I had to ask myself...Could I really be that "perfect" if this is the type of show I am perfect for? But I digress. So, to my dear friend Jamie who helped me drink a bottle of wine and followed me around last night with a video camera and listened to me blather on about nothing, I appreciate you more than you will ever know. Thanks for indulging the reality star in me. And now, we wait...Again.

Thank Heavens for....

2005-08-01T22:03:00.000-04:00

Ok, so you should all get a good laugh out of this one. Someone, who shall remain nameless, was brilliant enough to submit me for this show. Now, we wait....

Made to Wear...but for Who?

2005-07-25T09:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, so here’s the question of the day…are clothing designers (high-fashion) really that talented? I ask this because, if you are designing for the rich and famous, you are only really designing for the “beautiful people” who would look equally good in a potato sack. So, is it really fair to compliment and worship these designers for their “talent”? I mean, dressing human stick figures can’t really be that hard. However, having said that, there are some who obviously get “it”…it being that women want to be dressed appropriately for their height, weight, etc. and still feel beautiful, like Vera Wang's recent dress for Oprah. WOW! So, if you all find a designer who makes clothing for women who are petite and curvy, let me know

London calling...

2005-07-07T19:04:00.000-04:00

Some of you may or may not know that I went to school in London for a semester, so seeing all of the trauma that went on there today really makes me sad. London, you are my second home, and the prayers of the American people are with you. And, may God bring hell's fury on those who choose to exploit religion as their platform for evil.

The Disappearance of Deep Throats...

2005-07-06T21:19:00.000-04:00

Well, folks, I haven't written in a little while;I have been pretty busy. But, it took something like this to bring the writer in me alive again. So, now the courts have decided that our nation's press is no longer free, meaning reporters have no rights to keep their sources confidential. That means that if Watergate had happened today, we might have a more crooked government than we already do. Now sources will be afraid to reveal what they know because there is no more anonymity. There is something to be said for keeping silent on some subjects, but when your country's well-being is at stake, and you feel like you have no one to turn to for fear of something as severe as death, that silence exists for the wrong reasons. This is not Iraq. We are supposed to be a "free" people. But, what is freedom with no Freedom of our Press to cover what they believe to be news. No Berstein, no Woodward, no Geraldo (ha, ha). So, the next time you're talking to your lawyer or your doctor, beware. They might be the next ones forced to talk...

Stupid Human Tricks

2005-06-22T13:05:00.000-04:00

So, the funny story of the day is that people sometimes think ideas are good, but inevitably, they fail because someone tries way too hard to outwit the competition or overexpose themselves and/or their products. It's cool when things that you work for are successful, like Pontiac's donation of all those cars for the Oprah show. But, yesterday, in NYC's Union Square, Snapple attempted a stunt that will go down in history as one of the biggest publicity stunt failures of all time. So, here's to the clever folks who thought bringing frozen, 24 ft tall Snapple into Union Square in the hot sun was a great idea, and here's to the poor sanitation workers that had to clean up the puddle.

The Truth Shall Set You Free

2005-06-15T13:48:00.000-04:00

God bless poor Michael Schiavo...finally, the man accused of "killing" his poor wife is vindicated. This poor man stood by his wife's side for 7 years after she fell ill and was vilified by the press and Terri's family for wanting her wishes granted and for moving on with his life. At least now all of the accusatory things that were said about him have been discredited, and he can lay down this burden. Please, folks, make a living will. Tell everyone you know what you want so that you don't end up with no brain function, being kept "alive" by tubes and machines. And, make sure you do so to keep the government out of your home and family decisions.

Signs You Should Run, Not Walk, Away from Your Job

2005-06-13T08:50:00.000-04:00

Since I left for New Jersey on Thursday, 2 people quit and one was fired...out of a staff of 24. Not really a good sign, huh? So, what do you hate about your job? I feel like letting others rant today...

Why is this still happening???

2005-06-02T17:49:00.000-04:00

There was a story in the New York Times today about a book called "The Buffalo Tree," a young adult novel by Adam Rapp, being debated by a Muhlenberg, PA school board. The article does a great job of covering both sides of the issue here: 1st ammendment rights and censorship. SO, here's my issue: it is clear to me that we have not come very far if we are still having the same damn debate over and over. If we choose to let these organizations censor us, they will, and it will spread to every aspect of our lives, including the religious fanatics that most often initiate the debate in the first place. So, religious right...get it right. If people had censored the Bible or Jesus and his teachings the way they wanted to, you would have no religion. Let individuals decide what they are comfortable with. That is, after all, what we as a nation have been fighting for all these years...your (and anyone else's) right to read The Bible, Catcher in the Rye, and now, The Buffalo Tree.

Jump, Forrest, Jump

2005-06-01T13:59:00.000-04:00

Ok, so here's my little rant about the KILLER on the crane over Buckhead: PEOPLE CHOOSE TO COMMIT SUICIDE, PERIOD. Whatever their reasons, people do it every day. It's just really sad that, in this type of situation, the police are damned if they do or don't. If you had pneumonia and went to the hospital and refused treatment, the hospital is no longer legally responsible for your well-being. It should be the same for police. If they offer you help, and you refuse to accept it, then you accept the consequences for your behavior. It's even more upsetting to realize that, if this man had actually jumped, his family probably still would have sued the city for negligence. Now, they'll just sue the city for using a Taser gun on him. Pretty soon, we are going to have a country full of people too afraid to simply perform their jobs for fear of being sued. Dr's all over this country are driven out of business every year by the cost of malpractice insurance. What's next? Suicidal suspect insurance for police? Signing waivers when your children play on the neighbor's swingset? I fell when I was 12 at Jimmy Bellamy's house and split my chin open. Do you think it ever crossed my parents mind to sue his parents for having a slippery porch? But, I digress...

Anyway, it's sad that people kill themselves. But, sometimes, despite our best efforts, they do make the choice to do so...It's a free country. I just don't feel like our brave men in blue are responsible for babysitting ever psycho on a crane for days on end while he disrupts the entire city and makes everyone's commute an hour longer that it already is. So, good job getting that lunatic down, boys. Just sorry it took up so much of your precious time and ruined my Wednesday night happy hour.

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.-Ted Turner

2005-05-27T11:11:00.000-04:00

This Ted Turner quote best frames my blog for today. As most of you already know, I love American Idol...well, the singing, at least. The dark cloud over the show this year was the creepy, wanna-be rocker Constantine Maroulis who was always mugging to the camera like he was God's gift to AI. He may be the most obnoxious person I have ever seen, and believe me, I have seen a few. To that end, thanks to my beautiful sister-in-law, Allison, I have been reminded today that God provides order in the universe by making us pay for our sins in the way that will hurt us most. Mr. Maroulis got a much-needed lesson in humility this week, and I just wanted to share it with you all. Hope this is just the start you needed for your Memorial Day weekend! Have a safe and happy one!

Live for Today

2005-05-26T17:41:00.000-04:00

What are the 3 things you want to do before you die?

According to The Today Show, here's the list of the 50 Most Popular:

Watch whales migrate
Go white water rafting
See wild game on an African safari
Find a long-lost friend
Learn to dance
Fly a plane
Drive a NASCAR race car
Appear on Broadway
Dive the Great Barrier Reef
Skydive
Golf on a world famous course
Travel the Nile in Egypt
Be serenaded by a Venetian gondolier
Swim with the dolphins
Play with an orchestra
Paint the Big Apple red
Float in a hot air balloon
Sip a mint julep at the Kentucky Derby
Visit the Oval Office
Trace your roots
Helicopter over a Hawaiian volcano
Ride a mule down the Grand Canyon
Stroll along the Great Wall of China
Cruise in a Ferrari
See the Taj Mahal at sunrise
Walk the Inca trail at Macchu Picchu
Ride a Harley down an open road
Feed sharks
Scale a famous peak
Explore a Rain Forest
Learn to be a cowboy
Play ball in a Major League park
Prepare the world's finest meal
Be an extra in a movie
Gaze upon a magnificent waterfall
Horseback ride along a beach
Conquer a fear
Ride a steamboat down the Mississippi
Dive in a submarine
Taste the finest wine
Run a marathon
Write a song or poem for someone you love
Volunteer overseas
Visit a nudist colony
Explore the Alaskan wilderness
Hover in a blimp
Eat a cheeseburger in paradise
Run with the bulls in Pamplona
Say a special thank you
Experience weightlessness

I have to say, this list is pretty good, but I think they are missing some of the most important ones like:

Get a kiss from your soul mate that leaves you weak and breathless
Have a spiritual experience that makes your heart soar
Win an Oscar

I welcome anyone to ad to the list...

False Idols

2005-05-24T14:13:00.000-04:00

Ok...so tonight is the final sing-off between Carrie and Bo on American Idol. I am excited but I am conflicted. Bo is the better performer, but Carrie is the better singer. So, which matters most? When did true talent start giving way to pure showmanship (and it didn't start with Britney Spears)? So, which do you think is more important? Razzle-Dazzle or talent?

Food for thought

2005-05-19T08:41:00.000-04:00

Ok...here's the stupid question of the day: In the song "Bust a Move", there is a line that has always bothered me. "Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry, in 5 days from now he's gonna marry. He's hoping you can make it there if you can, 'cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man..." SO, why the hell would you be your best friend's brother's best man? Are the brothers twins? Are you all best friends? What?

Anyway, on a much heavier (heavier in reference to my thighs) note, I had the 2nd best meal I've ever had in Atlanta last night. Bacchanalia was my favorite, but Dick and Harry's in Roswell/Dunwwody was AMAZING. You must go there immediately. Even Mr. Picky himself, Jean-Claude, called his meal "outstanding" and "incredible". So, if that's not an endorsement, I don't know what is. Feel free to contribute any other really great restaurants...You know I love to talk food.

God help me...

2005-05-17T13:38:00.000-04:00

Just got back to work from lunch with my dear friend Natalie. I try to be as positive as possible in this place, but sometimes, it's like having the energy sucked forcefully from your body, leaving you lying lifeless and used. No more users, that's what I say. Who or what is your succubus? What drains you/irritates you/sucks out your positive energy? I'll start:

1) Atlanta Traffic
2) Constant workplace drama
3) Some members of my family
4) Girls who let guys treat them like crap but know better
5) Guys who will never grow up
6) Mosquitos
7) Waiting in line at the DMV

and the list goes on...

Introducing...my brain

2005-05-17T11:07:00.000-04:00

Since I rarely get to use my brain at work, this is going to be my new creative outlet. Enjoy!