What No One Tells You About Pregnancy

So it's been a while, but I've been a bit busy being pregnant. Now that we are closer to the end, I feel confident in sharing what no one else will tell you about pregnancy.

1) You know that yucky feeling in your stomach when you're hungover? The one you try to satisfy by eating grease, drinking Pedialyte or gatorade, consuming crackers, etc? That is what "morning sickness" actually feels like, except there is nothing to satisfy that sick feeling. It just stays and stays.

2) "Morning sickness" is BS. It's more like all-day-and-night sickness...Something that makes you ill today is what you'll eat 3 of tomorrow, so just get ready.

3) You will be as gassy as your husband after 3 bowls of chili, a hot dog, and a case of beer for the entirety of your pregnancy. It is mortifying, but you'll get used to it. In fact, my husband thinks it is hysterical. He cheers for me like he would for his college roommate.

4) Your brain stops working the minute you find out you are pregnant. You literally have no memory, and it's hard to even communicate. For people like me who make their living by communicating with others, this is particularly frustrating. Carry a notepad with you, and write everything down. Otherwise, you will lose your mind (or your job).

5) In the beginning, after the morning sickness subsides, you will be hungry. It is a hunger I cannot describe, and if you do not eat immediately, you will vomit. Snacking throughout the day is essential and the only way to keep this from happening. You want to avoid this phenomenon at all costs.

6) One day, you will wake up and be PREGNANT. I went for almost 6 months with no real, visible bump. Then one day I woke to find that my beautiful breasts were actually resting on my belly. It was very, very scary and quite a shock. Also, it is around this same day that your thighs will begin to rub together. This is also a scary feeling, as you have never known this sensation before. My advice: baby powder (helps you cut down on chafing). Lovely, right?

7) You will be exhausted. It is a tired you cannot explain, and no amount of sleep will compensate for it. You will fall asleep in weird places like your desk, your car, even waiting for your husband in the grocery store. Just make sure to find some time in the middle of the day to cat nap. 15-20 minutes seems to do the trick for me.

8) Eventually, you will be unable to sleep. This sleeplessness starts at about 5 months and last through the end of pregnancy. In the beginning, it is suggested that you start to sleep on your left side. If you are a stomach sleeper like I am, this is the toughest transition. In month five, your hips will start to slowly separate, making your joints loose and your muscles weak. This pain is enough to keep you awake. In month 6, it's the pain in your lower back that keeps you awake. In month 8, after the baby turns down in the "Go" position, it is the baby's head resting on your bladder that will cause you to get up at least once every 2 hours to go to the bathroom. By this time, lack of sleep has become second nature to you, so you should be able to roll with it. I also suggest telling everyone around you that you are a zombie, and if they come near you, you will eat them for lunch. This has worked wonders for me.

9) Finally, try not to read all of the scary stuff in the more medically-focused pregnancy books. I was freaking out during the first few weeks about what to eat, drink, etc. and even what my husband and I could do in bed because of those books. If you have a question, ask your doctor. That is his/her job. It's not always comfortable or easy, but well worth it.

10) Enjoy it. Have fun. Buy baby clothes and maternity clothes and nursery decorations with wild abandon. No one can fault you now, so GO FORTH and SHOP.

Any other questions about pregnancy? Ask in your comments. I'd love to get a discussion going...

When PC Becomes BS

While I was getting ready for work this morning, watching The Today Show like I always do, I saw something that made me so angry, I could have spit nails. There was a doctor being interviewed by Matt Lauer. He had been SUSPENDED from practicing medicine because, after months of treating an obese woman and not getting her attention, he told her that she would likely outlive her husband and be fat and old and alone. HE TOLD HER THE TRUTH. Tough to swallow? Yes. Shallow? Yes. Insensitive? Yes! But True? Yes. When did this country become some obsessed with being PC that you could actually be accused of malpractice? Doctors are not paid for their bedside manner. They are valued for their knowledge and power to help and heal. That's it. Now, this doctor has lost his practice over something as stupid as this. It just makes me wonder when the pendulum will swing back the other way. I'm ready for it, and I think America could use a big, swift, honest kick in the pants!

If you want to check out the video, it's here:
Doc in trouble over obesity warning

R.I.P.

Have you ever known that feeling of ultimate contradiction that an incredible novel gives you? You just devour the words because you simply can't get enough. But, toward the novel's end, you are sad that there won't be any more left to read about the characters when you turn that last page. Well, that is precisely howI felt watching the end of Six Feet Under last night. Alan Ball is a genius. He proved that in American Beauty and has done so once again with the final episode of this highly acclaimed show on HBO. 9pm couldn't come fast enough yesterday, and yet, once the show started, it hit me that there would be no more to see. No more Nate. No more David and Keith. No more Claire. No more Ruth. They are all gone. I really believe that this little feeling of sadness I have carried with me all day today is the mark of a good work of fiction: it draws you in, makes you feel something so deeply, brings you as high as you can go, and then leaves you with a sad little smile when it's over. What do you like about fiction? TV? Movies? What juices you up?

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime...The first time I ever heard this line, I was 8 years old and watching Haley Mills in The Parent Trap. The movie is about a set of identical twins separated at birth who find each other at summer camp. When they meet, they hate each other and each tries to sabotage the other. When they go too far, the camp director decides that the most fitting punishment she can give them is to force them to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. The movie story ends happliy, but that line still sticks in my head and pops up now and then when something stirs my memory. So, when I saw this today, it immediately reminded me of that particular line. What real purpose would it have served if this girl had been thrown in prison? She would have been invisible and anonymous within the prison walls...actually allowing her to pull the "disappearing act" she tried months before. We, the dutiful tax payers, would be feeding her and doing her laundry and providing her with cable TV. Instead, seeing her on the court house lawn in Lawrenceville today - mowing the grass - for all the world to see, I am reassured that our justice system still allows for fair and sometimes even humorous punishments that actually fit the crime. And, good for Jennifer Wilbanks, who obviously has a sense of humor...she's mowing the lawn in a hat that says "Life is Good." Yes, Jennifer, it sure is.

...For Little Girls

Well, the last time I posted, I was submitted for an upcoming documentary series called Daddy's Girl. Well, it was all fun and games until the casting agent actually called from LA on Wednesday, saying that I was "the perfect candidate" for their show. I had to ask myself...Could I really be that "perfect" if this is the type of show I am perfect for? But I digress. So, to my dear friend Jamie who helped me drink a bottle of wine and followed me around last night with a video camera and listened to me blather on about nothing, I appreciate you more than you will ever know. Thanks for indulging the reality star in me. And now, we wait...Again.

Thank Heavens for....

Ok, so you should all get a good laugh out of this one. Someone, who shall remain nameless, was brilliant enough to submit me for this show. Now, we wait....

Made to Wear...but for Who?

Ok, so here’s the question of the day…are clothing designers (high-fashion) really that talented? I ask this because, if you are designing for the rich and famous, you are only really designing for the “beautiful people” who would look equally good in a potato sack. So, is it really fair to compliment and worship these designers for their “talent”? I mean, dressing human stick figures can’t really be that hard. However, having said that, there are some who obviously get “it”…it being that women want to be dressed appropriately for their height, weight, etc. and still feel beautiful, like Vera Wang's recent dress for Oprah. WOW! So, if you all find a designer who makes clothing for women who are petite and curvy, let me know